Many people spend their 20s and 30s figuring out who they are and building a life as an independent adult. At the same time, society often tells them they should be looking for love, settling down and starting a family. These milestones are still widely seen as markers of adulthood and success.
But what does this mean for the growing number of singles in their 20s and 30s?
In Canada, . Despite these changing trends, cultural narratives continue to centre romantic relationships as the ideal. Being single is still often seen as a temporary stage, rather than a legitimate or fulfilling way of life.
As an associate professor, I lead the lab at Simon Fraser University. My research focuses on understanding when single and coupled people can thrive and be happy.
Here is what I’ve learned over the years about the experiences of single adults in their 20s and 30s.
Singlehood is increasingly common
In Canada, report not being in a married or common-law relationship.
The proportion of 20- to 34-year-olds who are not in such relationships increased to 60.3 per cent in 2021 from 50.5 per cent in 1996.
Even among those who eventually want a committed relationship, many are delaying these decisions. The average age of marriage in Canada has increased by almost eight years since the 1970s, to 31.2 years old in 2020 from 23.3 years old in 1971.
These trends : a greater focus on career development, wanting to prioritize travel, having difficulties with dating or simply a preference for singlehood during early adulthood.
They may also reflect an increasing number of people who identify as and consciously choose to remain single because they value their freedom and solitude.
The pressure to partner persists
Despite the growing number of people in their 20s and 30s who are single, whether by choice or circumstance, the societal pressure to partner up and settle down persists. This is largely because .
Certainly, wanting romantic partnership and a family are common and valid life choices. But placing romantic relationships on a pedestal can come at the expense of singlehood.
Single people are often viewed as incomplete simply because they do not have a partner. A research study I conducted with colleagues shows that , which can undermine their well-being. They may also , such as being seen as selfish, heartless, loners or antisocial.
These cultural narratives don’t just come from society — single people can internalize them, too, which can have negative consequences.
In another research study, we examined what we call “relationship pedestal beliefs” — the extent to which people believe they need to be in a romantic relationship to be truly happy. We found that singles who endorse these beliefs are , and in turn, report lower life satisfaction.
How to be a thriving single?
How can singles lead happy, secure and satisfying lives, despite facing societal messages about the importance of romantic relationships?
To explore this question, my colleagues and I to better understand when singles are coping versus thriving. We found that, while some single people struggle with solo living and the desire to partner, many are happy and thriving.
Here are some factors associated with happy singlehood:
1. Feeling secure with yourself. and feel comfortable trusting and depending on close relationships are some of the happiest singles. They report the highest levels of life satisfaction and emotion regulation skills. Secure singles are open to the idea of romantic partnership, but are also happy and comfortable being single.
2. Having supportive friendships. Single people tend to invest in their friendships more than partnered people. feel like they belong, report higher self-esteem and are happier with their single status.
3. Being able to meet your needs for intimacy. Single people still have sexual and intimacy needs. Research show that , they are happier being single and desire romantic relationships less. At the same time, sexually satisfied singles are more likely to enter romantic relationships over time.
4. Being older. . This is likely because singles in midlife learn to invest in their single lives and are less likely to feel the pressure to conform to societal expectations.
5. Holding values that prioritize freedom, fun and creativity. Research shows .
Being single in one’s 20s and 30s can be a prominent time for people to focus on their self-development, careers, aspirations and relationships with family, friends and community. These are important building blocks to a happy live — regardless of whether people lead their lives single or choose to partner.
Yuthika Girme receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada
